3 Sparks In The Dark: Converting to Donutizm

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As I sat down to write my backstory for my weight loss journey, I realized that everything I wrote down was just an excuse and has probably been heard a thousand times.

I could tell you about how I was always told I could lose some weight by family, or the diet pills I was on at 17 (at 135 pounds) and again after the birth of my first child (at 170 pounds). I could talk about not feeling comfortable in my own body or that I never have had self esteem. I could write a 3 page blog on how my depression after the birth of my second baby shot me up to 204 pounds and then, after a year of being that weight, decided to do something about it, worked for a month to lose 9 pounds and then found out I was pregnant again. I could also say my body doesn’t lose weight while breastfeeding; I just don’t have that gene.

Yes, I could say all of those things, but honestly they aren’t really reasons why I let myself get to heavy. I could have chosen to work out more, even in high school. I could have decided I should be loved for me and not for what I looked like, I could have said I don’t care what other people think and lived the way I wanted, but I didn’t. I let others dictate the way I looked and how I felt about myself. Food has always been my go-to for everything. If I’m happy, I celebrate by eating. If I’m sad I eat my feelings instead of talking them out.

Food and shoes would never leave me or tell me that I wasn’t good enough.

So instead of boring you with all the poor me details, I am going to tell you where I started, where I’m at now, and move on. Yes, I am taking responsibility for my actions today and continuing on my journey. I know I’ll fall on my face. I’ve done it before and most likely I’ll do it again. But the difference is, I’ll get back up and I will be A Donut!

(Pause for effect) – just kidding, but those words are important, so let them sink in.

I began this journey at my biggest, 210 pounds. It was the beginning of this year, (2013) and my youngest was 14 months old when I heard my best friend would be getting married in June 2013. I was determined to not be that heavy when I waked down the isle as one of her 8 bridesmaids.

First things first, how do I lose weight?

It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life and truly had no idea where to begin. I’d tried diet pills, like I said, and had also tried every other fad, quick fix diet out there. However, I hadn’t really tried actually counting my calories, eating right and working out. Well, I’d thought about it and started it for about a month before I got pregnant again, but the whole idea seemed really hard, so why do that when I could lose weight “the easy way”. (I would later come to find, that there is no such thing as an easy way to lose weight, it takes hard work.)

For me, simply drinking a shake or taking a pill with every meal didn’t work. Now, please don’t get me wrong, if any other method has worked for you, keep doing what you’re doing. I am a firm believer in doing what works for YOU. Wish someone would have told me that a long time ago. I do take peoples advice and turn it into something I will actually do and use, but just because it has worked for them doesn’t mean it will work for you. For example, my sister in law can say, “I will not eat sweets! I will basically live at the gym and I will not eat carbs!” and just like that, she will go to it and stick with it! That, however, does not work for me. I want my carbs and my sweets and I don’t want to live at the gym. I do want to lose weight, but I also still want to be able to go out with my husband and enjoy pizza and beer. I didn’t want to become a person that dieted constantly, complained about missing pizza and talked about how much weight they’d lost so far all the time.

In January 2013 I started slow. I counted my calories first (baby steps), which was a lot harder then I thought. Much to my surprise, I was eating so much more than my body needed to every day. No wonder I was gaining weight. I lost 10 pounds in a month by counting calories alone.

Then once I was confident in this new skill, in February 2013 I started eating healthier (yes, I did have cheat days). A fruit or veggie with each meal, no pop, replaced a fruit or veggie as my snack in the afternoon instead of chips or pop, and I watched my sugar intake.

Eating healthier and counting calories rewarded me with the lost of 5 more pounds! I was on a roll, or so I thought. I decided that I next needed to start working out so for the next 7 weeks I worked out 3 times a week, ate pretty healthy (still had my cheat days) and counted my calories. Much to my surprise I didn’t lose any more weight, Ok I lost 2 pounds, but that was the week I was sick and barely ate anything and didn’t work out. Needless to say, I was beyond frustrated. That is when a recent friend informed me that I might not be eating enough calories each day to support my new workout habits. Once I went up to 1325 calories each day, instead of 1200, I started losing weight again. 2 pounds per week and I continued to lose weight. At the end or March 2013, I was officially down 28 pounds!

When Easter hit, however, I was PMSing, about to start my period and munched on way too much yummies over the holiday weekend. Since then, I have had a really hard time getting back on track. I have gained 4 pounds back, making my weight 186 again.

As of the beginning of May 2013, I have started over again. The thing about falling off the wagon is, as long as you get back on you’re still on track. No one is perfect and that’s okay.