My Mommy is having My Cousin

From the beginning, my husband and I have agreed to give the facts and be honest with our children when they ask us questions. Whether its the uncomfortable "parts" conversation or  what it means to be a Gestational Carrier for our beloved cousins. Our girls are still young enough that they may ask a few questions, but once those are answered, they except the information given to them and move on.
I know that will change later on, so I am enjoying it while I can.

When approaching the Surrogacy topic with our older girls (R is only 23 months), we decided to start, as always, with the facts. They knew N & R didn't have kids and they also knew that we love them a ton, so I started with that. I told H and C the story of how N got sick and had to have her uterus removed. C quickly lost interest, but H was very saddened by this and continued to listen. Then I explained that while we weren't going to have any more children, I could still help by putting the baby in my uterus. I told them the doctor takes a piece (or cell) of N and an piece (or cell) of R, the doctor then takes those cells, puts them together and with God's help, they turn into a tiny little baby (or embryo). Once the cells turn into an embryo, the doctor puts it in my uterus and the baby stays in there and grows until its ready to come out.
After my explanation, H only had a few questions.  Is the baby staying with us? and Do I get to hold it?  To this I told her no, the baby wouldn't stay with us because its N&R's baby. We have a family and being a Surrogate is about helping a family that has lots of love in it, but can't have children to share that love with. I also told her that since we were cousins and N&R love us very much we will get to go visit and hold the baby a ton. Just because we decided not to have any more children doesn't mean I don't love snuggling with other people's, I am human!

Later, N bought the girls a couple of children's books about surrogates and their families. One had a kangaroo family and the other had a opossum family.  We liked the analogy of the doctor putting the baby in a pouch instead of explaining to a 5 year old the exact procedure. However, the books were a little too fiction for my "all about the facts" daughter and she quickly poked holes in the "fairy tale parts" of the book. For example, in one of the books it said that the baby was made with "magic and love", to this H said, 'Aren't ALL babies made with magic and love?" Well played kid, well played.
She also didn't buy the part where the "Magical Koala" put a "seed" in the aunt opossum's pouch, H wanted the real story. I just told her that in this story the Koala is the doctor and the seed is the embryo. After that, she seemed ok with the idea of Mommy being a Surrogate and even got excited about talking to the baby, playing music for it and holding it later on. Even though C lost interest in the whole discussion rather quickly, she does love to rub my belly and decorate it with stickers. She calls it "decorating the baby's room". Even R can see that some changes are taking place in our household and mimics her sisters' actions by rubbing my stomach and saying "There's a baby in there!".

While it may be difficult for others in my family and friend circles to understand why we chose to be a Surrogate, my children are fully aware and informed. Its more then that though, they are just as excited as I am. H and I often sit and talk about the fun things we will get to do with the baby and how wonderful it will be to see N&R's family take off. Its a special gift that I can share with, not only N&R, but with my children. It shows them how to care about the ones you love, how to help if you are able and not to judge if someone does something you don't understand.
Unconditional love and support is a powerful gift. It's also something we have in spades, why not share it?

Super Mom is temporarily NOT so super: 13 weeks and counting

Today I am officially 13 weeks pregnant. Ah, that feels really good to say! 
I am FINALLY starting to feel better. More human, less Zombie and I could not be more excited!

As you can probably guess, the last 8 weeks haven’t been my favorite. Sure, I had morning sickness with my 3 girls, but nothing prepared me for this.

I have had ALL day sickness, there was literally nothing in my house that I hadn’t thrown up and I was so weak that moving from bed to the couch was a workout. My husband, who I cook for at least 5 times a week, learned very quickly to not call to ask, “what’s for dinner” and instead calls to ask, “what can you eat today?” Yes, Super Mom is out of commission, proceed with caution or better yet do not disturb at all.

I am so thankful for my friends and family that have chipped in during this hard time. My mom and my Bestie came to stay with us while I got my girls ready to go back to school. My cousins sent home a ton of food and freezer meals so I had easy options for my family. My husband even took me to my moms at one point (a 3 hour drive), just in case I needed to be admitted into the hospital for dehydration. At least there, we would have a ton of family and friends to watch our girls.

Now, things are getting better. I am still sick most mornings and every single night, but there is that time in between that I feel almost like myself.  I cant wait to get back into the kitchen! Fall is here and I plan on cooking and baking up a storm.

During my “down time” people have asked if I ever regretted my decision to become a Surrogate. My response is always the same, absolutely not!

I am still just as excited about this journey as I was before it started. The one thought that gets my through my worst days is the moment when the doctor hands N & R their brand new baby. Boy or Girl, it doesn’t matter. Ten fingers, ten toes and healthy as can be. That image stays with me throughout it all.

Pasta and the Planned Pregnancy

My family lovingly jokes that I am over fertile. At almost every family event there is at least one joke made to this fact. My husband is told not to look at me, because he might knock me up at the buffet, Fertile Myrtle gets thrown around and my favorite nickname is one given to me by my brother, Pasta Sauce or Pasta for short. He figured out early on that calling me Prego was entirely too over done and with that “Pasta Sauce” was born. 

As most of you know, I have three gorgeous daughters, but just like this is my first time being a Surrogate, it’s also my first planned pregnancy. 

Yes, the nicknames and jokes have merit! My husband and I have been fortunate in the fact that we have never had to really plan a pregnancy. They just kind of showed up!

Since it has always been a little too easy to conceive, I worried that I would have a hard time getting pregnant now that all eyes were on me. I know, sounds crazy, but I had my insecurities just like everyone else. Now that everyone is counting on my body to do what it normally does so easily, am I going to be able to do this? What if I used up my special baby making powers?

I wasn’t alone in my fears; everyone seemed to be a bundle of nerves, although I seriously doubt my cousins were worried about my baby making powers being used up. N & R had been down a very long, painful journey for a lot longer then I had been in the position to help and I’m sure were just as worried as I that this new journey was going to another bumpy one.

N and I started our respective medications about the same time, I took a medicine to get my body ready to receive N & R’s embryo at the transfer and N started getting shots to get her body ready for the egg extraction. Once N’s eggs were extracted and R did “his part”, I started another medication to prep my body for pregnancy while the embryos grew in the lab. N & R got daily updates on how the embryos were growing and we talked daily about the excitement of it all.

After 5 days in the lab, a few embryos were ready. N, R and I met early on Implantation Day and nervously awaiting the procedure.  The whole thing took less then an hour and 30 minutes of that was me lying very still to make sure the embryo “stuck”. We talked nursery ideas, told jokes and funny stories to pass the time and when the nurse came in to kick us out, the whole experience felt a little too easy. That  did nothing for my fears, but we went out to breakfast and focused on only the positive.

Waiting 9 days to find out if you are pregnant is the worst! I felt different, but thought it might be my mind playing tricks on me. We were warned against taking an at home pregnancy test, for fear it would show a false positive or false negative. Each day we got more anxious, but we survived the wait and finally the day came!

After getting my blood drawn, N and I went out for pedicures to pass the time. I will never forget nagging the nurses to run the test immediately and begging them to call us right away. I will also never forget the excitement when N’s phone rang, 45 minutes later, in the middle of Wal-Mart’s nail place. I’m sure the pedicurist and fellow Pedi Patriots thought we were insane, jumping around, laughing and crying all at once, but we didn’t care. With a “Hello” and a simple nod from N, our lives changed forever. 
We were having a baby!