Its anywhere between 2am to 4am when my 5 year old will come racing (more like Hulk smashing) down the hall, pushes through the door (slamming it against the wall and then shut again) and up to my bed to announce (very loudly) that she has had a nightmare. Then the negotiations start.
C: Can I sleep with you?
Me: No, why don't you try (names off a million different, amazing ideas. Well, amazing for 2-4am).
C: Nope, those wont work. I need to sleep with you.
Me: Fine. OR Hubby: NO! I will tuck you back in.
This happens almost every other night. At this point, I'm not even sure she has that many nightmares. Its possible that she just wakes up in the middle of the night and that is her excuse, but I never know and don't want to downplay her fears.
I feel like we have tried everything! A night light, music, Greek Eye necklace that chases away bad dreams (not kidding), a dream catcher, another night light that puts stars on her ceiling, we have sprayed for monsters (Lavender frebreeze in a different bottle) and we have talked about the good dreams she will have before she goes to sleep. We even had a crib mattress in our room that she could sleep on if she was really scared, but that became a crutch that she used almost every night. Then in the morning, we would accidentally wake her up while getting ready for our days. She is an incredibly light sleeper and has a really hard time falling asleep. So, we let her get up with us, but that results in a very grumpy and tired girl the rest of the day.
I have an incredibly active mind, an overactive imagination and often have problems falling asleep. I also remember having nightmares as a kid and lets face it, I sometimes still have pretty vivid ones.
So, we know where she gets it from. What we don't know is how to help her feel secure enough to self sooth and not wake the entire house up with the late night marching band theatrics.
As a child, I very rarely woke my parents up after a nightmare. I had my nightlight, my mountain of stuffed animals and a system. I would put my back against the wall, make a barrier around me with my animals, pull the covers up to my chin and day dream about whatever came to mind. I always kept my door closed, so if I were to drift off and anything tried to come in to get me, I would hear it.
With C, this system doesn't seem to work. She needs to be close to another human. So, after years of this unwanted 2am wake up call, I am moving on to "drastic measures".
Right now, my oldest H (8) and my youngest R (3) share a room while C (5) has her own room. However, H is getting to that age where she really needs her own space and, to help with C's nightmares, I think its time C and R share a room. This is a big project though and will take time to switch around. So, in the mean time I am going to put the spare mattress on the floor in H and R's room, put a brighter nightlight in the girls' bathroom, maybe try C's door closed instead of opened and try to develop a routine with C. Instead of running into our room, take a huge breath, go potty and then come tell Mommy about it. If our talk doesn't help, then go sleep in H and R's room.
Ultimately, I want C to grow out of her nightmares and be able to sleep through the night without a crutch, but she is still little. There is plenty of time for her to grow up, why rush her now?
Night time wake ups aren't always bad, sometimes the extra snuggles are good for both of us Its the smacks in the face that I could live without, but even those will pass.
Let them be little.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Project Victoria: February and My Valentine
Gross, I hate Valentine's Day! Even calling my husband My Valentine grosses me out, but lets face it, in February everyone is obsessed with Valentine's Day. Either they hate it or they love it, but either way they are talking about it.
In the Happiness Project, Gretchen chose to make her month about marriage. I also followed her in the subject because, as much as I dislike the holiday, it would be nice to get over my issues and show a little to love to the ones that love me most. After all, Commandment #12 states There is only love.
I started by talking to My husband, K, about this month and what things he would like to see change. As any good husband would do, he lied and told me that I was an amazing wife that took very good care of him and wouldn't change a single thing about me. Awh, he knows me too well!
Apparently, I was on my own with this one. So, instead of bugging him to death, I looked to myself.
OPRAH MOMENT!
Goal #1 for February: Don't Expect praise or appreciation. Do things for me and because I want them. Not to get a gold star or praise from someone else. It will disappoint you 9 times out of 10 and you will only grow to resent them for YOU not feeling appreciated.
2) No Dumping: Look to yourself first. Is this an insecurity or fear? If so, call a friend. People will often turn to women for understanding instead of men. Women are better at it. Develop your relationships with your female friends to give your husband a break from your insecurities, random problems and fears. Don't get me wrong, my husband is my rock and often sees a solution that I had not thought of. However, K is a very logical thinker and I am more emotional. Its not always fair for me to talk his ear off about small things when the answer normally lies in my own head. I just need to talk it out and my friends have much better ears (and patience) for things like that.
This leads me to #3, Love him just as he is. Like I said, K is a logical thinker and his way of thinking is very rarely mine. I sometimes get frustrated because its not how I would do it, but that's not fair. I can't change him, nor would I want to. So, I need to love him as he is and stop myself from saying something hurtful just because I happen to be frustrated at that moment.
After my Oprah Moment, a bigger picture hit me (I guess I could say I had another Ah Ha moment). Gretchen focused solely on her marriage for her February project, but I wanted more. I didn't just want to focus on my marriage. I wanted to open that up to all my loved ones.
So, my February Victoria Project is Love AND Marriage.
1) Don't expect praise and appreciation - Do things for others because you want to, not to get a gold star. (even thought I LOVE gold stars)
2) Fight right - is this really worth discussing? Is it productive?
3) No dumping
4) Give proofs of love - Be generous. Show them you care, don't just tell them. Actions speak louder then words.
5) Love them just as they are - who are you to judge? They are in your life for a reason.
6) Don't complain to others about your loved ones (especially your husband) - Venting to your best friend to talk something out is one thing, but to complain to others about your loved ones is wrong. Its petty and counterproductive.
7) Remember important dates and celebrate them - Show up! Its not enough to think about them on their special day. Reach out! A phone call or text is better then nothing.
8) Get rid of the Negative Nancys
Along with all of these new goals, I will try my very best to keep up with all of my January goals. This is a lifestyle change after all, not just something that I do every once in a while.
Bring on the love!
In the Happiness Project, Gretchen chose to make her month about marriage. I also followed her in the subject because, as much as I dislike the holiday, it would be nice to get over my issues and show a little to love to the ones that love me most. After all, Commandment #12 states There is only love.
I started by talking to My husband, K, about this month and what things he would like to see change. As any good husband would do, he lied and told me that I was an amazing wife that took very good care of him and wouldn't change a single thing about me. Awh, he knows me too well!
Apparently, I was on my own with this one. So, instead of bugging him to death, I looked to myself.
OPRAH MOMENT!
Goal #1 for February: Don't Expect praise or appreciation. Do things for me and because I want them. Not to get a gold star or praise from someone else. It will disappoint you 9 times out of 10 and you will only grow to resent them for YOU not feeling appreciated.
2) No Dumping: Look to yourself first. Is this an insecurity or fear? If so, call a friend. People will often turn to women for understanding instead of men. Women are better at it. Develop your relationships with your female friends to give your husband a break from your insecurities, random problems and fears. Don't get me wrong, my husband is my rock and often sees a solution that I had not thought of. However, K is a very logical thinker and I am more emotional. Its not always fair for me to talk his ear off about small things when the answer normally lies in my own head. I just need to talk it out and my friends have much better ears (and patience) for things like that.
This leads me to #3, Love him just as he is. Like I said, K is a logical thinker and his way of thinking is very rarely mine. I sometimes get frustrated because its not how I would do it, but that's not fair. I can't change him, nor would I want to. So, I need to love him as he is and stop myself from saying something hurtful just because I happen to be frustrated at that moment.
After my Oprah Moment, a bigger picture hit me (I guess I could say I had another Ah Ha moment). Gretchen focused solely on her marriage for her February project, but I wanted more. I didn't just want to focus on my marriage. I wanted to open that up to all my loved ones.
So, my February Victoria Project is Love AND Marriage.
1) Don't expect praise and appreciation - Do things for others because you want to, not to get a gold star. (even thought I LOVE gold stars)
2) Fight right - is this really worth discussing? Is it productive?
3) No dumping
4) Give proofs of love - Be generous. Show them you care, don't just tell them. Actions speak louder then words.
5) Love them just as they are - who are you to judge? They are in your life for a reason.
6) Don't complain to others about your loved ones (especially your husband) - Venting to your best friend to talk something out is one thing, but to complain to others about your loved ones is wrong. Its petty and counterproductive.
7) Remember important dates and celebrate them - Show up! Its not enough to think about them on their special day. Reach out! A phone call or text is better then nothing.
8) Get rid of the Negative Nancys
Along with all of these new goals, I will try my very best to keep up with all of my January goals. This is a lifestyle change after all, not just something that I do every once in a while.
Bring on the love!
Monday, February 2, 2015
Project Victoria: January's results
I'm still struggling with a name. The most obvious choice is The Victoria Project, but I'm still not sure that is the one. Maybe Project Victoria... Oh well, if the name is the hardest part about this whole thing then I think I am doing pretty well. (Its month one, check back with me at month 6)
In January I added another Secret to Adulthood, Music makes everything better. I have always known that, but never really voiced it. I have found that I get so much more done and am in such a good mood any time I listen to music. I also learned that I REALLY like Do Whop (don't judge). I know a lot of the songs, they make me feel energetic, there are no "bad" words or "tough" situations that I have to explain to my kids and (the most important thing) I can dance to most of the songs! Talk about your mood changer. Just try to be in a bad mood and listen to Do Whop, I bet you cant do it (unless you hate Do Whop).
As for the rest of my goals for January, I learned a lot of things about me through them as well.
First off, getting up at 5am SUCKS!!!! I can't do it, I tried and tried, but since my house isn't exactly hopping that early in the morning, I got my morning program done and still had time to spare. In my case that isn't always a good thing. Lets face it, there is only so much you can do in the morning while your kids are still sleeping. So I started to find myself on the couch catching up on shows and then once my kids got up it was chaos as usual. Then, after they were off to school it was hard for me not to land back on the couch or to goof around on Facebook. So, I changed my expectations and found a happy medium. Now, my wake up time varies on what the day holds. I normally get up when my husband gets up, make him breakfast and get him out the door. Then I focus on my kitchen and laundry until the girls are up. After that, its a blur until H gets on the bus and C, R and I head to their school or the gym. I have found that, if I start the day off going steady, I can finish the day going steady and might even have a little time in the afternoon to complete a project or catch up on shows.
While getting up early was difficult at the beginning, going to bed on time was not. I was so worn out at night that I practically passed out as my head hit the pillow. I wasn't used to my workout regiment, the early wake up calls were brutal and my "energetic self" was so energetic during the day that I definitely looked forward to bed time every night.
Once I got used to everything (probably by the 2nd week) it was a lot easier to stay up and spend that extra time with my husband, but then I wasn't getting enough sleep. It was and still is a balancing act. The weekends I still struggle with, but most days I can talk myself into going to bed tired or not.
Eating better, drinking more water, watching my steps, acting more energetic and exercising better were all a HUGE success in my book! I think having other things to focus on besides just the scale has really helped me. I feel more confident in my body and while the process is slow, I know I will get there and I'm even learning to love myself as I am now. Apparently, it wasn't my body I really needed to change, it was my journey and the reason I was on it to begin with. Being happy is much better then being "skinny". Now, I just want to be healthy, fit and happy.
I am also happy to report that I am seeing a change! I took beginning and end of January pictures and I can really see a difference. I only lost about 2 pounds, but I'm OK with that. Loving the NSVs!
As far as tossing, restoring and organizing goes, my house is still not a clutter free zone, but I am on my way! I tackle a big, nagging task every week, pick up throughout the day and do a little every day so I can enjoy the weekends with my family and friends.
The one thing that I haven't been so great at is stretching. I thought I wanted to be one of those people that got up every morning and stretched, but turns out that isn't for me. I get out of bed and want coffee, I don't want to stretch. Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! So, I settled for stretching before and after workouts and any time I felt stressed or sore. It seemed to work out OK for me and the best part about it is I don't have to feel guilty because I don't like stretching in the morning. Its just not me. Who knew?
A couple of unexpected, amazing things happened this month as well.
Several of my close friends had been contacting me to hang out more. At first, I wasn't sure I would have time with all of my Project V stuff. I had a month dedicated to spending more time with loved ones and this month was supposed to be about my energy. However, in the end I decided that my friends were more important to me. Why would I wait? If I don't take the time now, who says they will be around then?
I also got an invite to join a bible study once a week and to try a new church. Again, I had a dedicated month to focus on my relationship (and my children's) with God. I didn't want to add even more to my plate and lose focus on my goals this month. Some how, everything worked out perfectly and the Bible Study ended up being AT THE GYM and on my rest/catch up day. How cool is that?
Taking the time to let in both of these unforeseen things gave me something I never expected, more energy. In spending time with my friends, gaining new ones and spending a little more time with my spiritual side I noticed that I woke up each morning happier and more energetic.
My last unexpected win was that I started thinking about my career of choice when my girls are all in school. Thats my major goal during this project and I really didn't think I would want to start thinking about it until later this year. It has been a huge source of stress for me and I wanted to tuck it away somewhere in the dark until I forced myself to deal with it. What I found was (simply put), I didn't need to do that. By unveiling a part of me that has been absent for so long (my energy), I was able to start putting the pieces together of what I want to be and who I really am.
Its all still a puzzle, but the border pieces are starting to come together and I can't wait to see what the big picture will be!
Bring on February!
In January I added another Secret to Adulthood, Music makes everything better. I have always known that, but never really voiced it. I have found that I get so much more done and am in such a good mood any time I listen to music. I also learned that I REALLY like Do Whop (don't judge). I know a lot of the songs, they make me feel energetic, there are no "bad" words or "tough" situations that I have to explain to my kids and (the most important thing) I can dance to most of the songs! Talk about your mood changer. Just try to be in a bad mood and listen to Do Whop, I bet you cant do it (unless you hate Do Whop).
As for the rest of my goals for January, I learned a lot of things about me through them as well.
First off, getting up at 5am SUCKS!!!! I can't do it, I tried and tried, but since my house isn't exactly hopping that early in the morning, I got my morning program done and still had time to spare. In my case that isn't always a good thing. Lets face it, there is only so much you can do in the morning while your kids are still sleeping. So I started to find myself on the couch catching up on shows and then once my kids got up it was chaos as usual. Then, after they were off to school it was hard for me not to land back on the couch or to goof around on Facebook. So, I changed my expectations and found a happy medium. Now, my wake up time varies on what the day holds. I normally get up when my husband gets up, make him breakfast and get him out the door. Then I focus on my kitchen and laundry until the girls are up. After that, its a blur until H gets on the bus and C, R and I head to their school or the gym. I have found that, if I start the day off going steady, I can finish the day going steady and might even have a little time in the afternoon to complete a project or catch up on shows.
While getting up early was difficult at the beginning, going to bed on time was not. I was so worn out at night that I practically passed out as my head hit the pillow. I wasn't used to my workout regiment, the early wake up calls were brutal and my "energetic self" was so energetic during the day that I definitely looked forward to bed time every night.
Once I got used to everything (probably by the 2nd week) it was a lot easier to stay up and spend that extra time with my husband, but then I wasn't getting enough sleep. It was and still is a balancing act. The weekends I still struggle with, but most days I can talk myself into going to bed tired or not.
Eating better, drinking more water, watching my steps, acting more energetic and exercising better were all a HUGE success in my book! I think having other things to focus on besides just the scale has really helped me. I feel more confident in my body and while the process is slow, I know I will get there and I'm even learning to love myself as I am now. Apparently, it wasn't my body I really needed to change, it was my journey and the reason I was on it to begin with. Being happy is much better then being "skinny". Now, I just want to be healthy, fit and happy.
I am also happy to report that I am seeing a change! I took beginning and end of January pictures and I can really see a difference. I only lost about 2 pounds, but I'm OK with that. Loving the NSVs!
As far as tossing, restoring and organizing goes, my house is still not a clutter free zone, but I am on my way! I tackle a big, nagging task every week, pick up throughout the day and do a little every day so I can enjoy the weekends with my family and friends.
The one thing that I haven't been so great at is stretching. I thought I wanted to be one of those people that got up every morning and stretched, but turns out that isn't for me. I get out of bed and want coffee, I don't want to stretch. Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! So, I settled for stretching before and after workouts and any time I felt stressed or sore. It seemed to work out OK for me and the best part about it is I don't have to feel guilty because I don't like stretching in the morning. Its just not me. Who knew?
A couple of unexpected, amazing things happened this month as well.
Several of my close friends had been contacting me to hang out more. At first, I wasn't sure I would have time with all of my Project V stuff. I had a month dedicated to spending more time with loved ones and this month was supposed to be about my energy. However, in the end I decided that my friends were more important to me. Why would I wait? If I don't take the time now, who says they will be around then?
I also got an invite to join a bible study once a week and to try a new church. Again, I had a dedicated month to focus on my relationship (and my children's) with God. I didn't want to add even more to my plate and lose focus on my goals this month. Some how, everything worked out perfectly and the Bible Study ended up being AT THE GYM and on my rest/catch up day. How cool is that?
Taking the time to let in both of these unforeseen things gave me something I never expected, more energy. In spending time with my friends, gaining new ones and spending a little more time with my spiritual side I noticed that I woke up each morning happier and more energetic.
My last unexpected win was that I started thinking about my career of choice when my girls are all in school. Thats my major goal during this project and I really didn't think I would want to start thinking about it until later this year. It has been a huge source of stress for me and I wanted to tuck it away somewhere in the dark until I forced myself to deal with it. What I found was (simply put), I didn't need to do that. By unveiling a part of me that has been absent for so long (my energy), I was able to start putting the pieces together of what I want to be and who I really am.
Its all still a puzzle, but the border pieces are starting to come together and I can't wait to see what the big picture will be!
Bring on February!
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
What I want Before I'm Done: The alomst 7 year old bucket list that still rings true today.
Today, as I was randomly scrolling through Facebook I found a post about Household planners and thought to myself, "What a brilliant idea! Why hadn't I thought of that!"
So, being the list loving, office supply obsessed person that I am, I immediately jumped into this project.However, what I found in the process was a me that I thought I lost a long time ago.
I made a plan on what my household planner would entail and got to work. I pulled out my tote of office supplies from the basement (yup, I'm that in love), I went to my closet and dusted off my old paperwork divider with the notion of making it something else and I dug through my desk to get all of that stuff tucked away neat and tidy. I started to tackle a little bit of several nagging tasks that are on one of my many lists. It fell really good to get started on these things, but all of a sudden, my progress was stopped dead. The old paper divider that I dragged out of my closet was like a time capsule I hadn't touched since 2009. It held everything from 2008 to 2009. Bills and statements to funny post cards from my best friends' college days and every kind of greeting card you can think of. That year was my "growing up" year.
When my oldest daughter was born in May of 2007, I started noticing things in her father's and my relationship that I hadnt noticed before. It was then that I decided our lives need to change. I needed to grow up and being with him was not only keeping me from that, it was also showing my daughter that it was exceptable to put up with all that I did. So, after her first birthday I started making preparations to move out and a few months later we did just that. I was free! I was reborn and not about to waste my second chance for me and my daughter.
I had a plan and here is the list I came up with to do just that.
What I want before I'm done
Travel
Learn to shoot a gun
Learn to shoot a bow
Bow Fish
Go hunting
Teach my daughter EVERYTHING I know
Drive a stick
Drive a motorcycle
Get married
Have a family
Buy a house
Help people - families, strangers, kids
Finish school
Depend on me and only me
Be a better Christian
Read more
Learn different languages
Get more involved in the community and school
Get invovled in a good caouse
Just be involved
Be happy with just me
Fall in love, I mean really in love
Take dance lessons
Dance regularly
Almost 7 years later, I have crossed a bunch of things off of that list.
I met the love of my life and yes we are really in love. Together we bought a house, had a family, traveled a little (and will continue to) and are in the process of teaching our daughters everything we know. I dance all the time, I don't care who is watching. I get as involved in school things and community events as I can and plan to get even more involved as my girls get older. I'm working on being a better Christian, getting involved and helping others, but I think those things will never really be crossed of my list. Can you ever really do enough of that?
There is still a lot still left undone though. One major thing that sticks out more then the others is "to be happy with just me". How can I have come so far in so many ways, but still struggle with something like that?
This year is my year, this year its going to happen. I'm finally going to be able to look at this list and cross off some of these things that I was too afraid to cross off before.
I'm finally going to be able to say, I love me just as I am and I don't care if anyone doesn't agree!
So, being the list loving, office supply obsessed person that I am, I immediately jumped into this project.However, what I found in the process was a me that I thought I lost a long time ago.
I made a plan on what my household planner would entail and got to work. I pulled out my tote of office supplies from the basement (yup, I'm that in love), I went to my closet and dusted off my old paperwork divider with the notion of making it something else and I dug through my desk to get all of that stuff tucked away neat and tidy. I started to tackle a little bit of several nagging tasks that are on one of my many lists. It fell really good to get started on these things, but all of a sudden, my progress was stopped dead. The old paper divider that I dragged out of my closet was like a time capsule I hadn't touched since 2009. It held everything from 2008 to 2009. Bills and statements to funny post cards from my best friends' college days and every kind of greeting card you can think of. That year was my "growing up" year.
When my oldest daughter was born in May of 2007, I started noticing things in her father's and my relationship that I hadnt noticed before. It was then that I decided our lives need to change. I needed to grow up and being with him was not only keeping me from that, it was also showing my daughter that it was exceptable to put up with all that I did. So, after her first birthday I started making preparations to move out and a few months later we did just that. I was free! I was reborn and not about to waste my second chance for me and my daughter.
I had a plan and here is the list I came up with to do just that.
What I want before I'm done
Travel
Learn to shoot a gun
Learn to shoot a bow
Bow Fish
Go hunting
Teach my daughter EVERYTHING I know
Drive a stick
Drive a motorcycle
Get married
Have a family
Buy a house
Help people - families, strangers, kids
Finish school
Depend on me and only me
Be a better Christian
Read more
Learn different languages
Get more involved in the community and school
Get invovled in a good caouse
Just be involved
Be happy with just me
Fall in love, I mean really in love
Take dance lessons
Dance regularly
Almost 7 years later, I have crossed a bunch of things off of that list.
I met the love of my life and yes we are really in love. Together we bought a house, had a family, traveled a little (and will continue to) and are in the process of teaching our daughters everything we know. I dance all the time, I don't care who is watching. I get as involved in school things and community events as I can and plan to get even more involved as my girls get older. I'm working on being a better Christian, getting involved and helping others, but I think those things will never really be crossed of my list. Can you ever really do enough of that?
There is still a lot still left undone though. One major thing that sticks out more then the others is "to be happy with just me". How can I have come so far in so many ways, but still struggle with something like that?
This year is my year, this year its going to happen. I'm finally going to be able to look at this list and cross off some of these things that I was too afraid to cross off before.
I'm finally going to be able to say, I love me just as I am and I don't care if anyone doesn't agree!
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